Intermittent and Inconsistent

Wonder….what the title refer to. They refer to my life time aims and goals. I can honor myself saying that I am goalless fellow. Rather than saying less..I have more but not yet accomplished. I sometimes get confused by the way our life moves. Whether destiny decides or you are solely responsible. When I used to study my 5th standard, I am very much interested in playing cricket and imitating sachin . When somebody asks me “What do you want to become?” my answer was cricketer. More than batting, I was very much  in to spin bowling trying different kind of spins like off-break , leg-break etc. My interest was faded gradually as my father did not allowed me to play. Life went on like that for some days. For some days I remember I want to become cop. My mom is not interested as its a risky job (her personal opinion). I dropped that also. After few days, under movies influence, I want to become music director for sometime and choreographer for sometime. I used to make sounds on benches by hearing different tunes from the movies. I used to reproduce every tune I heard on benches, walls what not …or any wooden material. Father used to shout “stop your stupid noise”. I used to like dance very much. Hence the interest of becoming choreographer.

Whenver I see some dance good, I used practice that at my home. Ask me where? not on the floor but on the bed. I used to jump, scream, dance…fall..get up . Mom scolded..cot will break and your father will kill you. I started practising on the floor but its difficult to jump, fall and getup.  School got over. now I am in +2. My interest is now shifted to become IITian and software engineer. The main reason is that my brother-in-law is a software engineer and he is very popular in our family. The reason for becoming IITian is bcoz I heard that world will respect every IITian.  But my attempts to become IITian were not fruitful after +2. Now I am in to engineering and my goals are different. I am suddenly in to penning telugu lyrics unknowingly. I was very much interested and used to take active participation in poetry competitions. Now I want to become lyricist. I used to observe lyrics written by every telugu lyricist and tried to write on my own. Four years went on like this.

Now I moved to IIT for my masters. Hey I became IITian…:).  My goal is now to become a computer science researcher and work on cutting edge technology. Now I moved to job. Can any one guess whats my goal now? The goal is now not to keep any goals. I dont have any major goals except a few career oriented goals.

My goals are intermittent and inconsistent and irregular

 

Simply Stupid

No matter what a person opinion about the things like god, etc every human will fall in to some belief trap. In TOI today, I have read about an interview with a Hollywood heroine. She told that she will follow some superstitious things. Like when she leaves for work, the door should close by the time she gets down from the steps. If that does not happen she feels that the day is not going to be great. I guess every person will have some stupid beliefs like this. This reminds of my stupid beliefs. During my school days, if my first day of the examination went well, I used to write all the examinations with the same pen. If somebody asks that pen, I used to fear that they might lose it and tried to avoid giving it to anybody. If my first day was not good, I used to change the pen immediately. One more thing I used to take the same pad everytime for all my exams. It was a sentiment that If it was with me my examinations will be successful. Those things were when I am in school. Now there is nothing of that sort. But I can say these stupid things change along with your age. When I am in college I used to have a peculiar belief. No doubt its absolutely stupid. Everyday while I am leaving for my college, an young lady also joins me. We dont know each other but I had a crush on her. So during exams If I dont see her in the bus stop I used to feel “today the exam is going to be tough”. If I see her like any other day, I am very confident that I can crack the exam today.

I had these beliefs only for examination but not for anything as long as I remember. Currently I dont have even one. As the time passes and our mind matures, we can actually realize that those things are not things at all and they wouldn’t matter at all. That might be the reason now I am left with null beliefs. The point here is being aware that those things are stupid, we still tend to do them and unable to come out of those beliefs which is simply stupid